Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
