I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
