Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
