Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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