You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
