Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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