last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
