what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
