are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
