i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
