I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
