I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
