I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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