Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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