I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
