After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
