The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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