are you so shy because you have an std?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my being single is dangerous.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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