yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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