Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
