How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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