i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
