people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
