weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
