Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
