I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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