It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
