eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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