On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The adults are the big ones right?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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