I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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