If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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