Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
