i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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