Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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