they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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