she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
