My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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