when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
