wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
