Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
