as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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