he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
