Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
