This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
