the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
