One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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