Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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