Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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