but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
