3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
