No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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