i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My feet surprised me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
