i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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