I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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