Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
