I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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