dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dick very happy bro
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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