onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize