I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
