when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
