There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
