Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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