Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
