I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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