Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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